a post it note with a the time 5:00 underlined, a voice talks you'll be there right another one answers of course, a boy takes the post it note off the wall looks at it and then glances up to a clock 12:00 and smiles
he grabs back pack and dumps out its contents looks disappointed at all the papers that fall out, He picks one up looks glances over at the clock 12:01 clears a space on his desk and sets to work.
The pile of unfinished papers are still huge and it shows the boys face stressed out with a small neat stack of finished papers next to him. It shows the clock 12:30
Shot of the clock 2:30, flashes to the pile of unfinished papers has shrunk in size then flashes to the pile of finished has grown and the boy is looking more relaxed
The Clock reads 4:45, the pile of unfinished papers is gone and the pile of finished papers is neatly stacked up the young man finishes the last paper and puts it on top of the stack, He looks at the clock and a look of relief comes across his face
The boy gets up about to leave when his computer makes a noise, he walks over to it and a look of surprised excitement flashes across his face on the computer screen is an IM from the girl he likes asking if he wants to hang out now he sits down and starts to rite a reply, but then looks at the post it note and hears the "voice you'll be there right?"
He gets up and starts to walk out but then looks back at the computer and sits back down
It then shows a door, it suddenly swings open and the young man runs out
On the computer screen the IM is left unanswered
A park bench with another young man on it he looks at his watch then looks around and looks dejected he gets up then starts to walk away
The boy then runs from the side of the shot and catches up with his friend, his friend says " I thought you weren’t coming”, the young man then says “I wouldn’t let you do this alone”
They walk away
You need to incorporate time into the film. I can see how the clock is supposed to be overbearing, but we see no motive as to how important doing the paper work by 5:00 is. There also needs to be some rising action possibly involving the girl who messages him. There needs to be something important to the character which the audience feels, and more of a connection to Run Lola Run.
ReplyDeleteI can sort of understand how time is incorporated into the film, but i don't know if it is incorporated enough. Also, you have camera description in your treatment. For example you wrote "Shot of the clock 2:30, flashes to the pile of unfinished papers has shrunk in size then flashes to the pile of finished has grown and the boy is looking more relaxed". This could be replaced by: "the clock reads 2:30 and the pile of unfinished papers has shrunk, the pile of finished has grown, and the boy is looking relaxed."
ReplyDeleteTime is not quite used enough in this treatment. As we talked about in class, there needs to be an increased motivation as to why 5:00 is so important to this character. Maybe a beginning scene where the reasoning behind the 5:00 is explained. I would also like to that the ending is a little bit vague and there isn't much of a concluding event.
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